Saturday, March 10, 2012

a condundrum, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a mystery

There's a dilemna I think many job seekers come across at some point or another, one that I'm in right this moment and I'm not quite enjoying. It's a good dilemna to have, it's just difficult to handle.

Turning down a job offer, or walking away in the interview process.

Sometimes a company sets off red flag alarm bells in their head. Sometimes its too similar to a bad experience from your past. Sometimes it's just a gut level feeling that you won't be happy, or the job won't take you where you want to go. Or maybe you just don't trust the company. Maybe the money is just so low that there's no way to say yes reasonably.

I'm all for pushing boundries and moving outside the comfort zone. I want to grow and develop my skills and my career and myself. But there's a fine line between taking on a challenge and doing something that just doesn't fit. It's realizing that while you might be able to perform the job functions, you fundamentally would not be satisfied doing so, and that you genuinely think that you are not going to be able to do what the company needs.

After three months of being unemployed, of tears and frustrations and even fights fueled by the stress of feeling useless and as if I'm never going to be able to live up to job or career expectations how do I reconcile that with walking away from what might be an opportunity? What might even be a really good opportunity, in fact.

It's all helped by the fact that Bunny is all on board with whatever decision I make. That he's in fact told me he doesn't think that it's the right opportunity for me and that we'll be ok, and he's got the freelance, and we both have some savings, and that he'll be working regularly soon. It's also helped by having an amazing brother who calls to check up on me and see how the interview went and ask me if he should go to Cuba in May (answer: yes) and talk about life in general.

So right now, today, I have some thinking to do. How do I really, at my heart, feel about the work? Do I think I will be able to live on the starting wages? Progress quickly enough to make me happy? Do I genuinely feel that the company's values are in line with what I need in an employer.

To make it harder, even with all my questions and doubts, walking in that office it's crazy awesome how much energy there is and how happy everyone seems about their job. That I like a lot. I've genuinely liked everyone that I've met, from the girl at the front desk to the big boss (who I chatted up waiting for the interview ... Shyness 0, Sheryl 1), to all three of the women I've interviewed with.

So what's holding me back in either direction. Am I just scared that I won't succeed, or is this just not my thing?

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