Thursday, July 12, 2012

life, and inheritance

Growing up, I would always pay attention to the way Bunny's family would head up north to the trailer. In November, I would note that Bunny and his father went on vacation together and often as not would come home with a deer.

The summer after Bunny and I became an item, we went on our first real vacation. A camping trip way up north with some of the most miserable weather imaginable. So bad that one day I ended up hiding in the truck, with the heat blasting and about five layers on. We ended up calling it quits and heading up to his parents' trailer for the last few days, the weather was no nasty.

His parents' trailer. Well, that's not it anymore. That's our trailer now. Everything up north is Bunny and mine, now. I have a hard time wrapping my head around this. It feels awkward and uncomfortable. I love that trailer, but I don't want it to be ours. I don't want to be anyone else's, really, I just don't feel right about it being ours.

Inheritance is like a shitty consolation prize. The things that are left to you might be wonderful, and generous and amazing. They might be life changing, or more hassle than they are worth. But for the immediate family, and anyone close enough to the dead to inherit something, inheritance doesn't feel so good. At least not for me. It's like someone saying "hey I'm sorry you can't have the strongest male role model you've ever had in your life, but here, have these things instead". As if that makes it better. As if that makes it ok that someone you love is gone.

There are some great things about having the trailer. It's one of the places that Bunny and his dad had a lot of quality bonding time, and it's a place that we rarely went without his parents. It's surrounded with awesome neighbours. It's a beautiful trailer, and it has everything you might need in a trailer. In my mind, though, it's still a place that belongs completely to Momma and Poppa Bunny. I would just rather have Poppa Bunny back.

Have you ever inherited something? How did you feel about that? Was it awkward?

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