Thursday, October 25, 2012

rings

Every marriage has their own little quirks and shorthands. Those little moments that only make sense to the two parties involved, but are a pretty big deal for those two. For Bunny and I one of those things has really become our wedding rings.

I'd like to put the historical symbolism of rings implying ownership, particularly in a sexist way, out of the picture. That's not what I'm talking about here, and while it may be an underlying factor it's not something that I'm focused on when I say the rings are important. The rings do symbolically bind us together, but in our marriage that's a two way street. Our rings also link us to our family and both of our families were involved in the choosing of the rings.

My mom was the person who actually found my bridal set and pointed it out as something we should consider (looking back, it has a lot of similarities in style to her engagement and wedding rings). The only aspects of my rings that are at all like what we'd discussed are the white gold and channel set diamonds. Everything else? Things we'd planned on staying away from: it's a bridal set, and the main diamond is a solitaire, and the setting is very different from what we'd wanted. But Bunny and I both adored this ring once we saw it. No brainer.

Bunny's sister also works at the biggest jewellery chain in Canada*, and is an expert in wedding jewellery. So buying both of our rings through her was a no brainer. It made us feel connected to the purchase, and we were able to completely trust her that she was trying to help us find what was right for us and not push us into a bigger purchase for commission. When Bunny bought my ring, she was the link between what my mom and I had looked at and what Bunny looked at. (She kept a list and helped him out, although he made the final selection himself). There also may have been some extra discounts which were a bonus.

I may actually love Bunny's ring more than mine. Buying that for him was exciting and empowering. We went together, unplanned, to make the purchase just because we happened to be in the mall, because his sister was working. The actual ring he selected was very different from what he'd planned: tungsten carbide instead of gold, and there's a little bit of flash and pizzazz to the design. This ring actually speaks to who he is; the mechanic in him is thrilled with the material.

Beyond that we both go crazy seeing his ring on his finger. His ring. His finger. At least once a day for the past six weeks there has been a comment of "I love my ring" (from him) or "I love seeing that ring on you" (from me). I love that he likes how it signals his commitment to me. The fact that he likes wearing it is even better. Every time I glance over to him and see that ring I get this happy, warm feeling spreading through me. It feels good.

There's also only so many times a day we can say "I'm so glad I married you." Our comments on loving the rings have become one of our relationship shorthands, where we say one thing but it means so much more than that.


* I know, buying from a chain store isn't ideal. I had concerns about conflict diamonds and such. But the family connection was a very big deal for us.

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